Only a third rate Burglar

Johannesburg is one of the crime capitals of the world. Burglaries here are often true and sickening horror stories.

Many years ago when I lived here as a teenager, two men put a knife to my mothers throat in our kitchen. She doesn’t keep quiet my mother. She screamed and they ran. She screamed at them some more. They grabbed the kitchen radio on their way out. I will always remember her telling us, how, as she screamed at them out the window, they sauntered down the road with an unconcerned nonchalance, laughing and swinging the radio between them. These days the screams, well, they don’t work so well anymore.......

Some-time ago I decided to not read the newspapers here, as I felt I was polluting my mind with the never ending stream of reported violence. I preferred to keep my inner world tidy and happy. Subsequently I have slept fairly innocently and fear free for over a year in my “cottage” which is a converted garage on the side of my parent’s house. We don’t have the obligatory electric fence, there is just an old low gate between me and the street. In the wee hours of the other morning, I am woken by the sound of a heavy object being used to break a window. Slightly disorientated I sluggishly wandered out of my bedroom. I vaguely remember, saying something to the person, something fairly pathetic like “hey… hey, stop breaking my window” and then being rather alarmed that it didn’t stop. So wandered back to my bedroom, shook the fog from my brain, phoned the house, where my father pressed the panic button. You might ask: "why didn't he phone the police ?" We would have smiled a gentle, pitying smile at you. Possibly patted you on the head, for being such a sweet puppy.

We all waited for the security company, (you should hear those alarms, nobody can sleep) and I watched the dim shadow of the burglar leave, I remember thinking, with a growing sense of outrageous indignation: “he’s taking an awfully long time to get over the gate.” He kept getting stuck. Eventually wobbling precariously he perched on the top of the gate, fell off and into a heap on-to the other side. “He’s not a very good burglar” I thought rather resentfully. The arrival of the security company was very dramatic, they screeched to a halt in front of the house. We watched in great admiration as they leapt out of their car, commando style, bristling with armament, and bullet proof vests. They proceeded to impress us even more, by racing around the garden and attacking various large pieces of foliage who were masquerading as robbers. Our large pine tree made the one officer feel particularly jumpy. He arrested this prickly customer not once but three times. In the midst of the drama, my burglar who I suspect was simply a local opportunistic drunk, made his wobbly get away. He probably found a nice quiet spot where he could gently lay himself down for a snooze, and for that, to tell you the truth, I am not ungrateful.

Alas poor Yorik I knew he had a bright idea

I saw a rather attractive spotted dalmation, sauntering down the road the other day, looking rather pleased with a bone he had in his mouth. There was "eh, um" something familier about that bone. It then occurred to me that one of my most loyal blog fans had handcuffed themselves to the gate, on a hunger strike. Placard in hand, it seems like only yesterday. I suddenly felt so sad, how could I have forgotten my blog. "Poor, poor little blog, how could I have forgotten you" So I took the skull, and it now makes quite a nice desk ornament. My great Aunt, a cottage artist staying with us at this moment, painted yellow Hippie daisys, round the side, their stems rather attractivly and suggestivly growing out the side of the mouth. She also painted a little Walt Disney type worm, crawling out the one earhole, as if out of a bad apple. The eye sockets make for very nice pencil & pen holders. My father when he has time, said he would drill a hole in the top for a light bulb socket. The final effect will be a very nice lampshade/come pencil holder, so all is not lost.

A number of loyal fans, who sensibly didn't go on diet, have asked me to periodically to revive my blog. A number of their requests I hope to Honour. God Bless you Mrs (I mean) Mr Robertson, ho ho, I havn't forgotten your request to have blog updates mailed to you, as you so succinctly pointed out, that: "even though I am such a regular corrispondent this would ensure you didn't miss anything" Somethings are going to change, we are going to get a lot more philisophical. We are really going to be taking a gargantuan leap, into the philosophy behind the ego. As requested, I will delve a lot more into my personal philosophies, around this subject. What my angst with the ego is, (mine and others) and whats good about the ego, if anything.

As for for ED (Eternal Damnation) You are a goddess. Would you like some skeletal fingers for Mini Imelda & the mad Scientist ?

Why I love Africa !!

We are the world so lets ...

Yes it has been awhile. The elephant stomped on my rose coloured glasses. However I now have a bigger better pair.

First, the deep meaningful stuff. I am no longer a troll attached to a stomach, just a troll with a stomach accessory. If I take a really deep breath, and suck my stomach in, remote sensing sonar reports "50 % PROBABILITY OF .... Abdominal Muscles" On Monday night, at my local cult group that I attend, I bumped into the adored one, she who is worshipped from afar, the gorgeous lovely ******* She said to me: “I noticed that you’ve lost weight” Oh how I go into a beatified trance like state, remembering the slight husk of her every vowel….. [EDITED BY EGO]

Ego: “Please do not make the readers throw up”

Me: “O, I don’t think they will ? Alright then, sorry, eh, um ….sorry for the, aaahhhh, ahem, interruption - moving along”

I consulted my book, translations of the adored one and it said (quote)
Adored one has yet to come to terms with her attraction for you, adored one is really saying “You are such a deep gorgeous and sexy hunk of a man-beast, your very scent make me want to rip……. [EDITED BY EGO]

Ego: “Maybe she was just being encouraging, you have already made a public spectacle about this losing weight business. She probably thought “If I don’t say something to the poor thing, it will commit suicide”

Me: Nonsense, she walked up to me, and gave me a nice hug. It even had a touch of intimacy.

Ego: A touch of Intimacy, (snigger) Folks, how desperate is this guy. He listened to “we are the world, we are the children” eight times the other night.

Me: Hey, hey, I was a bit depressed ok. The elephant had stomped on my rose coloured glasses, and I needed a bit of inspiration. Besides, this is a third party game you’re playing. We discussed this, your not allowed to call for outside (3rd party) opinions.

Ego: How could the poor girl dodge the imbecilic slack jawed drool that greeted her, as she innocently walked out the door. It was a mercy hug, can’t you see that.

Me: Your being nasty again, I am going to turn you off.

Ego: Help, help, Mercy. He is going torture me by playing “We are the world, we are the children” by ….. Scoff. Michael Jackson & Friends. “We are the world, we are the children !!!” Over and over and over. He believes in world peace, help, help, tortuuuure

"We are the ones who make a brighter day, (Whistle) so lets start giving"

Misguided Angel

In a very sentimental mood. Listening to Cowboy Junkies and Shirley Bassey. Thinking
about a little Burgundy Gem, the Cafe Carte Blanche tucked away in Observatory Cape-Town. Most especially about my old friend JU whose life ended there in a pool of blood. Yep, I am determined that I am going to tell some of those stories. They are going to spill out here, like the dancers would spill out onto the pavement to the sound of Shirley Bassey at two o.clock in the morning.

"What good is my life ?
Funny I often seem to think I will never find a dream, in my life
Till I look around and see this great big world is part of me, and my life ....
Sometimes when I feel afraid I think what a mess I have made of my life
Crying over my mistakes, forgetting all the breaks I've had in my life
I was put on Earth to be, a part of this great world ......
Guess I will just add up the score, and count the things I am grateful for"

Thanks Shirley, for reminding me.

DO NOT FEED

WARNING

DO NOT FEED THE EGO

Please do not feed or pet the ego found on this site.

Feeding compliments to the ego, may cause ego to inflate.

Inflated ego can cause serious damage to world peace.

Please beware, the ego is devious and will attempt to convince you

that it is a fun loving, harmless entity.

Thankyou

Site Management

Blog Dedication

I have this little dedication to myself, in my other diaries. So I thought it important that I put it here.

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Dear Blog

I will try to the best of my ability, to make sure that everything I write comes from a space of love, peace, joy, scerenity and positivity. I ask the universe to bless this blog.

Geoff


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Ego : Your not going to write about peace, are you ? Scoff. Next its going to be worold peace. What ! You want people to gag when they read this ? Snicker. They are going to throwup in multicoloured fonts, all over this nice clean website. World Peace, you weeny, you twit, you idiot, gasp, arrrggh

Me: This stuff is important to me, n' cause every time I listen to you Mr Ego, it turns into a F****up & I end up in a dark unhappy place. An I ain't doin it no more.